Discernment Counseling in San Diego
Before you decide
to stay or leave.
One of you may be holding on. The other may be wondering whether there’s anything left to hold on to. When you’re in different places, figuring out what comes next can feel impossible.
You don’t have to promise to stay married to take an honest look at your marriage.
When you’re in different places
When you want different things for your marriage
It can be hard to have a useful conversation when one person wants to repair the marriage and the other is wondering whether to end it.
Maybe you’ve had the same argument a hundred times. Maybe the fighting has stopped, but so has the closeness. Or maybe one of you feels blindsided while the other has been unhappy for years.
Discernment counseling gives you a place to slow down, understand what happened, and consider your next step. You can begin without agreeing on where you’ll end up.
If you’re leaning out
You can talk honestly about your doubts, your exhaustion, and what has brought you to this point. You won’t have to pretend you’re ready for couples therapy.
If you’re leaning in
Your hope matters, too. We’ll make room for your hurt and fears while looking at what you can take responsibility for, even when you can’t control your partner’s decision.
The three paths
A clearer look at your choices.
Discernment counseling helps you consider three directions. My job is to help you think them through honestly.
Stay as you are
Keep things as they are, for now.
Continue the marriage without starting a focused effort to repair it or moving toward divorce. We’ll look honestly at what staying in this place means for each of you.
Separate
Move toward separation or divorce.
Consider ending the marriage with a better understanding of how you got here. This is a serious choice, and it deserves a thoughtful conversation.
Work on the marriage
Give the marriage a serious try.
Commit to six months of couples therapy, with divorce off the table during that effort. Each of you identifies changes you’re willing to make. Afterward, you can reassess.
The goal is greater clarity and confidence about your next step. There’s no promise of a particular outcome.
What happens in a session
A chance for each of you to be heard.
We start together.
I’ll hear what brings you in, where each of you stands, and what you hope to get from the conversation.
I meet with each of you individually.
Much of the work happens here. There’s room to understand your own experience, your part in the difficulties, and what a different future might require of you.
We come back together.
We’ll make room for what each of you has learned and talk about the next step, including whether another discernment session makes sense.
A short process, taken one session at a time.
Discernment counseling lasts up to five sessions. We’ll confirm appointment length and fees before we begin.
Working with Dr. Mark Karris
I want to understand how each of you got here.
I’m a Certified Discernment Counselor and a licensed marriage and family therapist here in San Diego.
I care about helping couples find their way back to each other when that’s possible. I also respect that you may have good reasons for wondering whether you can stay.
You can expect warmth, direct questions, and a willingness to have the hard conversations. I’ll help each of you look at your own part without turning the session into a trial over who’s to blame.
Specialized training for a difficult crossroads.Support for couples considering divorce who haven’t made a final decision.
A note about fit and safety.
This process requires both people to participate freely. If there is violence, intimidation, coercion, or fear of speaking honestly, please contact me individually so we can discuss a safer kind of support.
Questions you may be carrying
It’s okay to ask.
How is this different from couples therapy?
Couples therapy asks you to work on the relationship. Discernment counseling helps you decide whether you’re both willing to do that work. You can start here when one person is ready to try and the other is unsure.
Will you try to talk us into staying married?
I’ll help you explore the possibility of repairing your marriage, and I’ll take your reasons for considering divorce seriously. The decision belongs to you. Neither person should have to argue for permission to be honest.
What if we’ve already tried couples counseling?
We can talk about what helped, what didn’t, and whether anything would need to be different for another effort to make sense. You don’t have to pretend those earlier experiences didn’t happen.
What if my partner won’t come?
You’re welcome to reach out on your own. Couples discernment counseling involves both partners, but we can discuss individual support and how to approach the conversation without pressuring your partner.
What if one of us has already decided to divorce?
If the decision is final and there’s no willingness to reconsider, discernment counseling usually isn’t the right fit. We can discuss support that better matches where you are.
Start with a conversation
You don’t need a final answer
before you reach out.
Tell me a little about where things stand. We’ll talk about whether discernment counseling makes sense for you and what a first appointment could look like.
Dr. Mark Gregory Karris, LMFT · Certified Discernment Counselor · San Diego