Help with the fear, shame, and hurt connected to religion.
Religious Trauma Counseling or Coaching in San Diego
Maybe you have changed what you believe, but the fear, guilt, or shame is still there. Maybe you are afraid of losing your family, your community, or your sense of who you are.
We can talk openly about what has happened and work through the feelings and decisions you’re facing.
In-person therapy in San Diego · Online therapy in California
Religious trauma & spiritual abuse
Working through religious trauma
Therapy or coaching for people dealing with the effects of harmful religious experiences.
Religion may have given you belonging, meaning, and people you loved. It may also have taught you to fear your questions, distrust yourself, or feel ashamed of being human. Sometimes both are true.
When I talk about religious trauma, I am talking about the lasting hurt connected to harmful religious experiences. That might involve spiritual abuse, fear-based teachings, rejection, or pressure to silence yourself to stay accepted. We can take that hurt seriously without asking you to dismiss everything that once mattered to you.
Watch & listen
A conversation about religious trauma.
Featured in media conversations on religious trauma, faith deconstruction, and healing after adverse religious experiences.
Changes in your faith
When your faith changes, a lot can change with it.
I use deconstruction and reconstruction to describe the process of taking an honest look at what you were taught and figuring out what still fits. Sometimes that means changing a few beliefs. Sometimes it feels as though your whole world has come apart.
I have called this experience Religious Disorientation Growth Syndrome—a phrase I use to describe the disorientation, and the possibility of growth, that can accompany a profound faith shift. You may recognize some of this:
- Questioning beliefs you once felt certain about.
- Feeling anxious about God, punishment, or whether it is safe to doubt.
- Carrying anger, loneliness, shame, guilt, sadness, or despair.
- Fearing criticism or rejection from your family or religious community.
- Wondering who you are and what your life will look like now.
That is a lot to carry. It can affect your sleep, your relationships, and how you feel in your own body. We can talk through what you’ve lost and what would help you manage day to day.
What we can work on
How religious experiences can affect your life.
People come to see me for different reasons. You may recognize some of these experiences.
Fear that will not let go
You may no longer agree with what you were taught about hell or an angry God, yet still feel frightened. We can explore what brings that fear up and what helps you feel more grounded.
Shame and feeling “bad”
Maybe mistakes feel like proof that something is wrong with you. Maybe being good enough has become exhausting. We can look at where those messages came from and how you want to relate to yourself now.
Spiritual abuse and control
You may have been pressured to obey, keep secrets, distrust your judgment, or accept mistreatment in God’s name. We can talk honestly about what happened and work on speaking up for yourself.
Family, belonging, and boundaries
Changing your beliefs can affect people you love. We can think through what to share, what to keep private, and how to set limits while respecting your circumstances and the relationships that matter to you.
Your body, sexuality, and identity
Messages about purity, desire, gender, or sexuality may have left you feeling ashamed or disconnected from yourself. You can talk with me about these experiences and ask questions about your body, sexuality, or identity.
Grief and starting over
You may miss the music, friendships, rituals, certainty, or sense of purpose. Missing those things does not cancel out the hurt. We can talk about those losses and think through how you want to find connection and meaning now.
A personal understanding
I am here to help.
I’ve been through a faith shift myself, and I know how unsettling it can be.
As a licensed therapist and an ordained pastor no longer in formal ministry, I bring both my clinical work and my own experience of deconstruction and reconstruction to these conversations.
For me, it could feel like walking on a wobbly waterbed instead of solid ground. The fear of rejection—from God or from people I loved—could feel suffocating. Questions about faith were also questions about belonging, safety, and who I was becoming.
If you are going through something similar, I do not see a person who simply decided to become bitter or throw everything away. I see someone trying to be honest about what no longer fits. Life happens. Shift happens. Sometimes it happens before we feel ready.
Changes in your faith can bring grief, anger, and difficult changes in your relationships. We’ll work through those experiences while you figure out what you believe and how you want to live.
What working together can look like
We start with you, and what life feels like now.
My style is compassionate, direct, relational, and integrative. I want to understand what happened, what it came to mean about you, and how it is affecting your life today. Different people need different ways of working.
Tell me what has been happening
You can tell me what feels important, what you are afraid of, and what you hope will change. You do not have to give a polished account or share every detail before you feel ready.
Work with what still hurts
We may explore painful memories, familiar shame, the inner critic, or what happens in your body when fear takes over. We can also practice ways to feel steadier and respond with more choice.
Work on the changes that matter to you
That might mean setting a boundary, having a difficult conversation, trusting your own judgment, or reconnecting with people and values that matter to you. We will keep checking what is useful and what needs to change.
Decisions about faith
You get to decide where you go from here.
You may want to keep your faith, change some beliefs, explore something different, or leave religion. If you’re unsure, we can talk through your questions without rushing a decision.
I will not pressure you toward a particular belief, insist that you forgive someone, or decide which relationships you should keep. We can talk honestly about your options, your safety, and what feels right for your life.
Please ask questions about our work together and tell me if something doesn’t feel helpful.
A few common questions
Before you reach out.
Can we work together if I am still religious?
Yes. You do not have to leave your faith or stop valuing it to talk about experiences that hurt you. We can respect what remains meaningful while giving the painful parts the attention they need.
What if I am not sure it was “trauma”?
You do not need to settle on a label before reaching out. If religious experiences are leaving you anxious, ashamed, confused, or disconnected from yourself, that is worth talking about. We can explore what happened and what kind of support would be useful.
Will I have to tell my family or leave my community?
Those decisions belong to you. We can work through the possible consequences, the support you have, and the boundaries you may need. You can be thoughtful about what you share and when. There is no requirement to make a dramatic announcement or a sudden break.
What is the difference between therapy and coaching?
Therapy can address emotional distress, trauma-related concerns, and mental health needs. Coaching focuses on reflection, decisions, and goals; it is not a substitute for mental health treatment. Before we begin, we can clarify which service fits your needs and what that work would involve.
Can we meet online?
Yes. I offer in-person therapy in San Diego and online therapy for clients located in California. When you reach out, we can discuss the options and whether we are a good fit.
Getting in touch
Would you like to talk about what you’re going through?
If you are tired of carrying these questions and feelings by yourself, reach out. Tell me a little about what has been happening and what you are looking for. We can talk about a next step that makes sense for you.
A song I wrote about changes in faith
“I’m Not Your Heretic”
I am also a musician, singer, songwriter, and creative at heart. I wrote this song and made the video to encourage people finding their way through questions, change, and a more honest relationship with themselves.