EMDR therapy for painful memories and reactions that won’t let go.
You may understand what happened intellectually—and still feel anxiety, shame, panic, anger, or helplessness as though the past is happening right now.
EMDR therapy can help the brain and body process painful experiences that continue to carry an emotional charge, so the past can become something you remember rather than something you continually relive.
When the past still hurts
Human beings are remarkably resilient. Most difficult experiences eventually become part of our story. We remember what happened, but we do not continually relive it.
Other experiences are different. Something may have been too frightening, painful, overwhelming, humiliating, lonely, or confusing for us to adequately process at the time.
Years later, the thinking part of us may know, “I’m not back there anymore.” But the body says, “It feels like I am.”
“I know I’m not that powerless child anymore. But something inside me still feels small, unsafe, and alone.”
Old conclusions can remain emotionally alive long after we have rejected them intellectually:
- I’m bad or defective.
- I’m unlovable.
- I’m unsafe.
- I’m powerless.
- It was my fault.
What Is EMDR Therapy?
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is a structured psychotherapy designed to help people process distressing memories and experiences.
Working with memories, feelings, and body sensations
EMDR works with the memories, emotions, beliefs, images, and body sensations connected to painful experiences. During reprocessing, bilateral stimulation may involve guided side-to-side eye movements, alternating sounds, or tapping.
The goal is not to erase your memory. You will still know what happened—but it may no longer carry the same intensity, bodily activation, or power over how you see yourself today.
Recognizing that the danger has passed
When an experience is not fully processed, present-day situations can activate the old network as though the danger is still occurring.
EMDR can help your brain and nervous system move from:
“That was then.”
to
“This is now.”
“But I’ve already talked about what happened.”
Talking can be enormously healing. I deeply value good talk therapy, and much of my work is relational, emotional, experiential, and insight-oriented.
But sometimes insight alone does not reach everything.
You may understand your childhood, your attachment style, your triggers, or the family dynamics that shaped you.
You may know the theology that wounded you was unhealthy. You may understand why a relationship affected you so profoundly.
And yet your nervous system still reacts.
If you understand what happened but still react strongly to it, we can talk about whether EMDR might help with what remains distressing.
What Can We Work On With EMDR?
Trauma is not always one catastrophic event. It can also develop through repeated experiences of fear, criticism, rejection, humiliation, abandonment, instability, emotional neglect, or feeling alone when you most needed someone.
Trauma & painful experiences
Single events, repeated injuries, disturbing memories, or experiences that still feel emotionally unfinished.
Shame & “badness”
Deep conclusions such as “I’m too much,” “I’m not enough,” “I don’t matter,” or “something is wrong with me.”
Attachment & relationship wounds
Betrayal, abandonment, rejection, emotional disconnection, infidelity, criticism, or painful relationship endings.
Religious trauma
Fear of hell, punitive images of God, chronic guilt, sexual shame, spiritual manipulation, or fear of questioning.
Anxiety & triggers
Present-day reactions connected to experiences your brain learned to interpret as dangerous.
Loss, helplessness & grief
Experiences that changed your sense of safety, identity, trust, belonging, or hope for the future.
What happens before we begin processing a memory?
The eye movements receive most of the attention. They are only one part of EMDR.
EMDR follows an eight-phase process that includes understanding your history, preparing for the work, identifying what needs to be addressed, reprocessing targeted experiences, strengthening adaptive beliefs, noticing what remains in the body, closing sessions safely, and evaluating what has changed.
What matters before reprocessing
- Preparation matters.
- Safety matters.
- The therapeutic relationship matters.
- Pacing matters.
- Your nervous system matters.
We’ll take the time you need to prepare and adjust the pace if the work feels overwhelming.
Before moving deeply into trauma processing, I want to understand you.
- What happened?
- What happens inside you when you feel overwhelmed?
- How have you learned to cope?
- What helps you regulate and feel grounded?
- What strengths and resources are already present?
- What might we need to build first?
For some people, preparation moves relatively quickly. For others, preparation itself is an important part of therapy. We will shape the process around your needs rather than forcing you into a timetable.
What Does an EMDR Session Feel Like?
Every person’s experience is different. You remain awake, aware, and in control throughout the process.
We identify a target
We choose a memory, experience, trigger, or emotionally charged theme to work with.
You notice what is present
I may ask about an image, emotion, belief, and where you feel the experience in your body.
We begin brief sets
You notice the experience while engaging in bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements or alternating tapping.
We pause and check in
You tell me what you notice. Memories, feelings, sensations, images, or new associations may emerge.
The experience can shift
Something once vivid or terrifying may feel more distant, less intense, or connected to new understanding.
How you understand the experience may change
“I’m powerless” may begin shifting toward “I survived,” “I have choices,” or “I can protect myself now.”
Do I have to tell you every detail?
No. I need enough information to understand what we are working with and to provide responsible clinical care, but EMDR does not necessarily require a long, detailed verbal account of everything that happened.
You remain in control of what you disclose. You can talk to me, ask questions, slow down, or stop at any point. For people who find repeatedly describing traumatic experiences overwhelming, embarrassing, or exhausting, this can be especially important.
I’ll stay involved and attentive throughout our work.
How we work together matters throughout the EMDR process.
I’ll listen, check how you’re doing, and help you make sense of what comes up. You can ask questions and tell me when something feels too much.
My approach is integrative and relational. Depending on what you need, our work may also draw from attachment-based therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Internal Family Systems-informed work, psychodynamic and experiential approaches, mindfulness, somatic awareness, and compassion-focused work.
Along with what happened, I want to understand:
- What did you learn about yourself?
- What did you have to do to survive?
- What feelings became dangerous?
- What parts of you had to disappear?
- What are you still protecting yourself from?
- What happens in your body and relationships?
What would you like to be different in your life now?
EMDR and Religious Trauma
Religious trauma is an area especially close to my heart and clinical work. These wounds can reach extraordinarily deep because they often involve identity, family, community, morality, sexuality, belonging—and sometimes our understanding of eternity itself.
Intellectual deconstruction can be necessary and liberating. But intellectual change does not always resolve the emotional and physiological fear attached to old teachings.
You may no longer believe in eternal conscious torment—and still feel terrified of hell.
You may reject an image of an angry, punitive God—and still feel fear when questioning religious authority.
You may no longer believe you are fundamentally sinful or depraved—and still carry a deep sense of badness.
The question can shift from “Do I still believe this?” to “What happens inside me when this old belief gets activated?”
EMDR Does Not Erase Your Past
The goal is not to make painful things acceptable or convince you that what happened did not matter.
Forgiveness is your choice.
You do not have to minimize harm, excuse another person, or reconcile with someone who is unsafe.
Your experience deserves to be taken seriously.
We’ll work honestly with how you feel, including feelings or beliefs that are hard to change.
You will still remember what happened.
We’re working toward memories that feel less overwhelming and have less influence on how you feel about yourself now.
Questions About EMDR Therapy
Is EMDR evidence-based?
Yes. EMDR has been extensively studied as a treatment for trauma and PTSD. The American Psychological Association includes EMDR among the psychotherapies it suggests clinicians offer adults with PTSD, and it is used internationally as a trauma treatment.
How many EMDR sessions will I need?
There is no single answer. The length of treatment depends on what you are working on, your history, whether we are addressing one event or longstanding patterns, your current circumstances, and the preparation that is appropriate for you. I would rather do thoughtful work than promise healing within a predetermined number of sessions.
Will I lose control during EMDR?
No. You remain awake, conscious, and present. You can talk to me, ask questions, slow down, or stop. EMDR is collaborative, and we pay attention to what your nervous system is telling us throughout the process.
Does EMDR involve hypnosis?
No. EMDR is not hypnosis. You remain aware of where you are and what is happening throughout the session.
Is EMDR only for severe trauma or PTSD?
No. EMDR is well known and researched for PTSD, but people may also bring other distressing experiences, memories, relational wounds, shame, and triggers into EMDR therapy. We can discuss your situation and decide whether EMDR is clinically appropriate.
Can EMDR help with childhood experiences I barely remember?
Possibly. EMDR does not require us to recover forgotten memories, and I do not assume every symptom comes from hidden trauma. Sometimes we have clear memories; sometimes we have fragments, emotions, body sensations, or recurring beliefs. We work carefully with what is actually present rather than manufacturing a story about what must have happened.
Can I do EMDR through teletherapy?
For appropriate clients, EMDR can be provided through secure teletherapy. We would discuss your privacy, current stability, available resources, and whether online EMDR is an appropriate fit for you.
Is something from your past still affecting your life?
You might notice it in your sleep, your relationships, or the way your body reacts to reminders.
Tell me a little about what you’re experiencing. We can discuss whether EMDR fits your needs and what treatment might involve.
EMDR Therapy in San Diego
Mark Gregory Karris, LMFT
In-person therapy in San Diego and secure teletherapy for clients throughout California.